MOTO BIKE

The first month I was here, I couldn't believe the cheap taxi fares and took them everywhere. I've now developed a serious commitment to motorbike taxis, the cheap and infinitely more thrilling alternative. I used to ignore the guys sitting on their bikes waving their hand at me as I walked by, and I wondered who would actually get on a bike with some random guy. Taxis were reliable and comfortable. But really, who wouldn't rather speed on the back of a motorbike with the wind in your face (although there is a good amount of smog). Aside from that, they're cheaper and faster, so it's basically a win-win. Taxi drivers will usually try and go the long route and they often fix the meter, and now that I've developed my vietnamese, I can easily negotiate a cheap ass fare with a motorbike. On top of that, the drivers always take you through alleys and awesome shit like that.

saturday in hoan kiem

This past saturday my friend and I were hanging out outside KFC by hoan kiem lake, the center of the city where most tourists stay and where most of the people trying to sell you zippos, tshirts,and shine your shoes convene. We met a couple shoe shiners on the steps and were talking to them and making fun of tourists in vietnamese as they went by. I asked them how old they were and how long they'd been shining shoes. One was 15 and the other 16. They had to drop out of high school because they couldn't afford the 50 us dollars a year they have to pay. When I finally let them shine my shoes they first said one dollar, then after taking my shoes off they said one dollar per shoe and each of them took a shoe. They liked us, but still didn't hesitate to rip us off. After a few minutes a few cops rolled by and they immediately scattered. They came back and explained that the police will arrest kids around the lake and then make them pay or go to jail. When we walked away we could hear them yelling "fucky the police!!!"

according to the vietnamese

drinking beer will cure acne
sleeping with your door closed and the a.c. on will deprive you of oxygen
too many ice cubes are bad for you
you don't eat enough if you drink water with dinner

ZOMG TIGER JOOSE

The other night at dinner with a lot of people I was offered drinks from a suspiciously colored bottle of vodka. I accepted the drinks without protesting, but a few later the man offering them to me (the veteran who lost his leg) started making snarling noises and flexing his arms. I looked toward his daughter who was translating for me and she told me that it had tiger in it. They have it for special occasions and its about 600 dollars to make two bottles of it, pretty reasonable as they have to kill a FUCKING TIGER! This occasion ironically was the anniversary this guy lost his leg in the war. They noticed I seemed a little skeptical and reassured me, "oh the tiger was very old, very old." They keep the tiger in a cage with a tube going into its stomach so that whenever the tiger eats, the stomach acids go through the tube, for the sole purpose of making the vietnamese strong. And I just kept drinking...